The Inspiration...

one of the reasons I began blogging is because i found so much gosh-darned inspiration from the blogging world that i was quickly becoming immersed in. i once thought, "i can't believe i've been missing out on this amazing sphere o'blogs for the past few years!" not only do i find myself connecting with the thoughts and feelings of others through this world, but i also find continuous inspiration for my own life. whether its an image, a phrase or a story...the blogs i follow never cease to give me immense pleasure and joy. i hope you find the same thing here.

it's only fair to give props to a few of my absolute favs and some new ones i've discovered along the way. i encourage you to take a look at the ones i find to be amazing..that's how i found them, checking out my blogs blogs if you will : )

I love this: If you get a chance - take it. If it changes everything - let it.

I think i know a thing or two about that..

http://blog.workisnotajob.com/

This site i actually ran across thanks to my friend Dallas - i just can't believe there are people out there making amazing stuff like this everyday!
http://vimeo.com/17606690

I first fell in love with the blog world when following my brother and sister-in-laws' wedding photographer. needless to say, they capture emotions seamlessly and they today are still one of my biggest inspriations...

VEGAS for my best friend's wedding...

http://www.jennawalkerphotography.com/jwpblog/cat-weddings/

http://www.jennawalkerphotography.com/oldblog/index.php?category=0&start=120

St. John for my brother's wedding...

Now, this woman amazes me. Not only is she cute, hip and funny, she is a mom, a writer, photographer and documenter of all things awesome...i mean, clearly - personalized wine bottles were a dedicated post one day!

http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2011/04/personalized-wine-bottles.html

I feel like I know this woman - Kelle Hampton. Her blog is beautiful with her family's life beautifully written, documented, photograped and thought about. Not to mention, she lives in Naples, FL so seeing images of the beach don't hurt!

 http://www.kellehampton.com/

This blog was introduced to me by my amazing friend Emily - it's all about gratitude, something I definitely benefit from...

http://thxthxthx.com/

This guy...well, i'd be his wife in a heartbeat. Just reading his posts to his future wife have me laughing and hoping I can find someone as entertaining as he is...he is truthful, honest and downright fantastic...

GOTTA GO

If you really have to go to the bathroom, like Niagara Falls level emergency, and there’s a long line for the ladies room…I’ll wait outside the mens room and make up ridiculous stories until you’re good to go.

http://tomywife.tumblr.com/

I follow this woman as she speaks to the coastal inside me...she lives in Australia. on the beach. it can't get more envious than that

http://www.abeachcottage.com/

Beach Reads

i sit at my desk today with the same view everyday. although i'm a whole 20 floors up, and you would think my view would give me access to the bustling streets of new york, the hot dog vendors, tourists and manic cab drivers...i'm actually left to twist my head slightly to the left and stare directly into the offices that occupy the newscorp building next to me. they are not even interesting...no one having scandalou offices affairs or sleeping on the job...nothing. if i stare hard enough and look down ever so slightly, i will catch a few glimpses of the street below, but it's like a mirror backwards, so nothing makes that much sense. it's torture heading up to other floors or walking into those "corner" offices to see what they get to look at everyday - central park! rock center! the hudson river! me - glass and steel.

i'm writing about this because today, it's even worse. i can barely even view my "view" because the rain is coming down in sheets, SHEETS. actually, right this moment it seems to be taking on that quality of complete fake rain - you know the kind in the movies that they use to make it look like rain when it's a perfectly nice day otherwise? it seems as though the rain has orchestrated itself into attempting to flood new york. and part of me feels as though this island of manhattan may be the only place getting this bucket o' water at this moment. its also dark...and ominous. to a point where i may need to turn on the overhead heinous light in my office. (note to self: be thankful you have an office).

anways, all this gloom has got me thinking about how much i love summertime. not just because of the lazy days, ocean breeze, late sunsets, and flip flops but because of the excuse to read total non-serious, lighthearted, some say ridiculously unreal, "beach reads". call it what you will, i am obsessed. something in these books takes me back to the summers i used to have - the ones where i actually was on the beach or at the pool reading these books. now, i'm on the crowded subway or in my cubicle apartment envisioning how great it would be to sip a cold beer on an ocean front porch.

no matter what, I can never and will never get enough of the coast and all that it entails. since i'm not reduced to staring at hoboken, nj or brooklyn, ny while standing on the edge of the manhattan "coast" - i have found an entire new appreciation for getting lost in tales of summer romance, wine sipping and boat rides. I will always be a girl who carries the ocean and all that it entails with her. i will never be the girl who is completely at home staring at steel and glass and concrete. i will always be the girl who prefers thunderstorms over the ocean. i will never be the girl who lives for the first snowfall. i will always be the girl who savors a glass of wine and a book. i will never be the girl who savors take out thai food on the couch. i will always be the girl who finds slightly burnt skin satisfying. i will never be the girl who finds pale skin to be "in". i will always be the girl who wants a boat. i will never be the girl who wants a car and driver. i will always be the girl who finds nothing better than the ocean over the waves at night. i will never be the girls who finds nothing better than the orange lights of nyc over the hudson river beautiful. i will always, always be the girl who belongs at the coast, on the sand, in the water...and i will never be the girl who turns her nose up at the suggestion of taking on a "beach read" beacause it's so much more than just that.

It's A Love Hate Kinda Thing...

a few weeks ago my associate publisher (aka big boss) asked me what i expected out of moving to new york. what a loaded and blunt question to answer. i had been showing visible signs of unhappiness over the past few weeks and i know my boss' were concerned that i might jump ship and hightail it back down south (which i might have had it not gotten above 50 degrees). anyways, it was actually the first time i sat back and really thought about what it was that i expected to find here in this city, at this job...what i specifically thought i'd be getting into.

it's still hard for me to answer, to pinpoint my "expectations". what are expectations really? sure they can be high or low but even if you have low expectations, you probably in your heart of hearts are hoping for the high...right? unfortunately, i'm always setting my sights on the highest of high in terms of expecations. i expect the best from myself and from the world, really. i guess i have to admit that what i expected from my move to new york was a tad on the romantic side of life - the glamour of life in the big city, what you see in the movies, soundtrack of life included. what i have found, however, is more likened to the harsh reality of life and the fact that the highest of high expectations are not always met.

life in new york for me has been like the game of golf. growing up, i'd go out on the course with my dad every sunday. i'd watch him approach each 1st tee with the hope of, excitement for, and anticipation of that perfect game, always confident no matter what last week's round was like, this round would be great. sometimes the driver would be in perfect harmony with my dad's swing and the ball would fly straight up, land softly, and place itself within striking distance of the green on the fairway. other times, he'd slice that sucker off to the left and we'd find ourselves searching out of bounds amongst the twigs, shrubs and brush. there's other obstacles to overcome too - sandtraps, lakes, fast greens, the beer cart. good or bad, excellent or horrible, satisfying or embarassing...no matter the outcome of those 18 holes my dad, and so many others, love the game and continue to play it sunday after sunday.

i think you might see where i'm heading with this one. i approached my move to new york with hope of, excitement for, and anticipation of that perfect game. that perfect game of life that would lead me straight down the fairway landing softly on the green. and sometimes, i feel that i'm on that straight fairway, my mind is in perfect harmony with my body, the sun shines through the buildings and the coffee tastes perfect. other times, i slice it into the woods and i'm searching to get out and to find my way again.

those that play the game of golf know that it's a love hate relationship they have going with that course. some days it had the ability to make them feel powerful, confident, right. other days, the course is like the devil, throwing it's obstacles at them from every side. my relationship with new york is so much a love hate kinda thing. commuting in the rain, spilling coffee on your dress, forgetting your metrocard, falling down the subway stairs...all before 9am does not make this city a friendly, lovely, easy place to live. however, realizing that that rain turns everything fantastically green and makes tulips grow 3 feet tall...that walking everywhere is freakin awesome, a dog park down the street is a source of much joy, feeling surreal as you circle around the resevoir in central park, having the best meal of your life multiple times...those are the loves in this relationship. those are the reasons i find myself still getting up to that 1st tee with anticipation of the perfect game. i know that this city and i will fight it out for a few more years, but i also know i will be the better for it. it's teaching me that expectations aren't needed - in fact, i should really just let them all go, because, in reality, in harsh reality, things can surprise you in ways you never even imagined. the sun comes out, the flowers bloom and your ready to make that round again.

Brussel Sprouts In the Pantry...

Yup. I came home from the gym this evening prepared to make a salmon filet and roasted brussel sprouts. As I'm searching through the fridge, thinking I've clearly lost my mind, I put the washed and rinsed and drained and cleaned sprouts in tupperware and in the fridge last night but I can't find them. I stood back for a moment discerningly replaying the events of the previous evening. Oh yes, my mind was elsewhere and clearly I thought the correct place for these need to be chilled veggies was the pantry cabinet - CLEARLY.

This is just one example of how many of my days go - in comes one thought, out goes another. There happens one action, out happens another. I constantly find myself in a state of "a million miles a minute." As I'm running out of my office to the printer, turning to speak to someone, my entire left side smacks my doorway (I swear this happens at least 3 times a week). While working I'm somehow simultaneously answering 2 emails, checking voicemail, writing a to-do list, finishing up a report AND changing my pandora station. While at home I'm "watching" TV, looking at 3 different magazines, searching the internets vast blog society and cooking dinner all the while doing laundry and cleaning the apartment. On weekends, sitting still is not an option. My mode of operation is go, go, go until I pass out early on Sunday nights due to near over-activity exhaustion (which apparently caused me to miss the biggest announcement of the century this past Sunday evening). Anyways, it must be said that I've come to a realization that I'm everywhere at once...or, I at least want to be everywhere at once. This even stems into my social life. Lord forbid I can't make it to three differnt events in one night - I'll miss out! That stress is less and less these days as I actually have begun to realize I'm not really mising out on things other people are doing...I'm only missing out on things I want to be doing.

New York is arguably the best and worst city to live in if you have an a.d.d. personality like my own. Just yesterday I printed off a list of "101 Things To Do in the Springtime in NYC" from my fave mag Time Out New York. Yup, 101 things...in springtime...in NYC. Well, since "spring" apparently comes really late in this city, you only truly have one month (May) to cram these things in. and..to make matters worse, there's about 12 things under each item encouraging even more "doing". Phew. And, if you know me...I want to do it all - analyze art in central park? drink on a rooftop? (checked off last weekend) picnic at the high line? hop on a bike? tour Brooklyn Brewery? march in the Veggie Pride Parade? yes please. yes to it all.

How will I ever find the time to do it all? How will I ever decide what's most important? most fun? most inspiring? I know, I know, clearly it's the veggie pride parade. But, what else?

I feel like I constantly am living my life that way. Thinking, "ok, that was great...but, what else? what next? what more can I get into?" And, you know, I think that it's okay to be that way. For sometime, I have worried that this might be my biggest downfall - why can't I just be satisfied with same old same old routine, right? Will I ever find contentment? To me, however, I think my contentment is the idea that there are constantly things to get into, to see, to do, to experience. I need to rest in the idea that yeah, I will always be eager for more...but that's what makes me who I am and heck, it makes me fun!

I haven't written here for quite a while and I feel like there is so much to tell. That's also the problem with a personality like mine - blogging is difficult. I find myself having so much to say and wanting to write about everything that often times I end up writing about nothing. I think about the blog everyday, however, what I want to say, what I think will make an impact. But, sometimes, I just don't know how to choose. So, for tonight, i will leave you with thoughts I had today that I wanted to tell someone about...

My morning cup of MUD coffee puts a smile on  my face every sip I take (except when it spills on my white crisp white shirt within moments of stepping on the subway)

How awesome are strangers who hand you tissues to wipe up your spilled coffee?

Museli with coconut and yogurt will forever remind me of mornings in Italy

The main reason I want to write a blog - I'm so inspired and in love with the ones I read!

Sometimes, you just have to tell the truth and ask the hard questions

It's worth sticking around when people believe in you

Why am I so into dudes with baseball hats on backwards?

Peanut butter never fails

I need a soundtrack of my life, following me around and playing the exact perfect songs at the exact perfect moment

How wonderful is dinner on the balcony (a.k.a. firescape) with my roomie ben

socks bring me comfort

an open window at night in the spring is one of my favorite things

New York freakin rocks in the spring (aka weather warmer than 50 degrees)

Today...

Today...I'm thankful for commercials like these. They allow us to laugh and find a whole new meaning for the words inappropriate, awkward, and awesome...

It's finally sunny and (slightly) warm here in NYC today. After what seemed to be a monsoon last night, the sky has cleared, the sky is blue and the sun is visible. It's been a tough past few weeks here in the city for me. For the past ten years of my life the month of April has brought with it longer, warmer days spent soaking up the abundant sunshine. Life in the south in the spring is LUSH, lovely, lingering...life in New York City in the spring is, well, none of those things. It seems as if spring will never come, I mean it snowed on April 1st for god's sake...it was 45 degrees here this past week...58 degrees has become "warm" and "beautiful weather" - since when did I believe that a beautiful day meant simply just being able to not wear an oversized coat, boots, and carrying an umbrella (that will inevitably fall apart in the wind) just in case? No, a beautiful day to me (in the world I come from)...means beach walks, the smell of warm weather, flip flops (which I still am unsure if people even wear those here), a cold beer just because...
but...everyone keeps telling me, it's all worth it once summer comes. So I wait, I wait for this summer that hopefully will make this "spring" worth it.

On that note, I've decided that this blog will also become somewhat of a gratitude journal for me. I mean, look at all that complaining I just did! Who wants to hear all that. Even I don't...but being able to get it out feel good so I hope you allow me to indulge. ugh...Admittedly, I'm easily swayed by the day to day stresses and schedules that send me flying through to-do lists instead of sitting back and being grateful. It's so cliche to say that we all take so much for granted...but we do. I do. I also know that study after study has shown that gratitude works...it keeps you grounded, it keeps you focused, it keeps you sane. So, long or short post...I will write here everyday to share what I am grateful for that day.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order,
confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home,
a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past,
brings peace for today,
and creates a vision for tomorrow.

- Melody Beattie

Since I haven't written in awhile, I'm going to let some other thoughts flow out of me...just to get them out and then move on.

I feel lost.

There. I said it. Lost. and you know what? It's kinda scary. It's scary in the fact that I know the feeling is actually going to be good for me in the end...once I find my way, I'll look back and all the bends and curves and hills and mountains I've surpassed along the way will have meaning. I've talked with a very close friend of mine about this "state of being" or not being that I find myself in right now. She tells me that for so long it was easy to define myself by how others around me did - girl in such and such sorority, girl with such and such boyfriend, girl who likes this and that. But now I life in NYC and no one really knows me...I mean really knows me. The biggest trait I carry around in this city is that I'm "southern" - but am I? True, the more I live here, the more connected I feel to the South, but...that's never before been something I would say was a defining characteristic of me. So, maybe I feel lost because no one has told me who to be or who I am or what to do. Isn't that a good thing then? Shouldn't I feel exhilirated by this freedom of starting fresh and new?? I guess even though I feel lost, but I'm not actually lost. I'm simply momentarily wondering.

Truth - I'm wondering around trying to figure out who the hell I am. what the hell I want out of life and how to get it.

Sometimes it feels like floundering. Sometimes it feels like falling. Sometimes it feels like running. Sometimes it feels like walking very, very slowly. The scariest thing is I don't know where I'm floundering, falling, running or walking to. I'm here in this city with an amazing job that might lead to a lifelong career. I'm good at what I do and I like what I do. But do I love it? Does it inspire me? Does it inspire others? Do I touch the lives of others like I hope to do with this blog? All questionable. and the answer to all is no. But, it is where I am today and it will be where I am tomorrow and while I'm here I'm going to start figuring it out.

I'm going to figure out just who the hell I am. what inspires ME. what makes ME happy. what I want to do with MY time. I'm sick and tired of trying to be something for everyone else. I'm sick and tired of trying to fit some mold of what some guy might like. I'm sick and tired of needing validation. I'm sick and tired of being too hard on myself. I'm sick and tired of having my love unreciprocated. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Angry? Maybe. Over it? Definitely. Committed to something better? Without a doubt.

The thing is...life is too short. And I'll be damned if I miss it.

You know, I've been through the worst, I really have. I've stumbled, I've fallen, but I'm only human. I might lost my way, but I will stand back up and I'm not giving up. Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough or strong...but I've always been able to stand back up and I'm not going to stop.

I've learned, and continue to learn, that it's more important to be you than anyone else. So, I'm listing here the things I know about me...the things I don't even want to change about me and the things that make me who I am. The things I will not apologize for but will be proud of. The things that make me who I am and the things that

I love the beach

I love drinking red wine

I love photography

I hope to become a photographer one day

I love being active

I am extremely self aware (to a fault sometimes)

I love farmer's markets

I want to learn to speak Italian

I want to travel

I love sailing

I want to live by the water one day

I want to move out West for a year

I want to LIVE fully

I believe there is more to life than your job

I want to love cooking more than I currently do

I think peanut butter on a spoon is an acceptable meal

I probably spend too much money on food and wine

I can talk to anyone, anywhere...but I love having time alone

I don't like going "out" as much as staying in with a great friend and great conversation

I'm scared I might not find "the one"

I probably think to much about "the one"

I love country music and driving with the windows down

I live for coffee

I love reading

I'm into acoustic shows

I wish I knew how to snowboard and wakeboard

I'm a wanna be world traveler

I'm inspired by the people who open up and share their lives with me

I want to make things happen

I want to live a unique, unordinary, exceptional life

"Your life begins the moment that you realize that you
are not a product of what happens to you...
that "what happens to you" is actually a product
of what you personally create or accept
from others as your own reality.
Once you have a full realization of this...
YOU without a doubt will be able
to start creating the life of your dreams!"

- Ingrid Vargas

Phew, thanks for listening...
a little bit of my heaven:

Sunset...

 

SouthernLiving.com featured my (quasi) hometown of Sunset Beach, NC!!

See why right here

 

It's beautiful right? I love it there...it's the one place that I truly would call home. Full of the best of family memories, cheesy-cracker happy hours, long walks and long talks...