What I Know For Sure...

It's true. I'm currently stuck in the "in-between." In between living here and living there. In between this relationship and that. In between feeling this and thinking that. In between knowing this and questioning that. In between but moving forward, looking forward, each and every day.

This past weekend was good for my soul. It was spent at a wedding, on a farm, in the mountains, drinking wine, eating chesse, laughing, dancing and flying. If there is one reason I will ever move back to Atlanta, it will be for the beauty that is April. This past weekend the word of the day was "lush." Everything, from the grass on the ground to the leaves on the trees - everything was LUSH, fresh, vibrant and it felt good...really good. It felt good to be around all this "newness".

To realize that the beauty of the world around us can fill our souls with whatever was missing before is a shockingly, wonderful feeling. In my in-between, I have this nagging feeling that something is missing. Unfortunately, I have no idea what this "missing" is...if you were to ask, I'd have no answer. It's a feeling, a knowing, a searching. But...sometimes the "missing" leaves. For a moment or for a day, it disappears and I am left feeling full, content and happy. Maybe it's seeing a glimpse of what I hope life to be like one day or maybe it's simply the comfort of a dear friend that replaces whatever it is that I miss during my day to day life.

You would think in a city as large as New York, there couldn't possibly be a msising thing - don't I have all that I need right here, waiting to be delivered right to my door? But it's different...for all that I found here, I have lost a few things as well. I have lost the ability to call up that friend and drive down to her home, spending hours drinking wine and talking about nothing, I have lost two roommates who are irreplaceable, I have lost an April full of sunshine and blooms, I have lost the ease of a structured world.

Looking back over the weekend, however, I know I have gained so much and in all my in-between...I know this and a few other things for sure. I know that things never stay the same, the second and third time around is never as magically as the first. I know that there are relationships that are not good for me...and I know I no longer need them. I know that I no longer will be that girl at the wedding eating nothing but a cold plate of vegetables. I know that I will always love being outdoors. I know that I will not live in NYC forever - the sea and the ocean and a boat are calling my name. I know that I am never going to be the best hostess, but I know how to cherish those that are. I know that I love flying because you get away from it all for even just an hour. I know that relying on others will never work out in the end. I know that I am loved. I know that I'm strong enough to walk away. I know that I chose this path and for whatever reason, it's the one I am supposed to be on. I know that my dreams will always consist of wide open spaces, big dreams, bold moves and deep, deep love.



"Welcome every morning with a smile. Look on the new day as another special gift from your creator, another golden opportunity to complete what you were unable to finish yesterday. Be a self-starter. Let your first hour set the theme of success and positive action that is certain to echo through your entire day. Today will never happen again. Don't waste it with a false start or no start at all. You were not born to fail."