it's still hard for me to answer, to pinpoint my "expectations". what are expectations really? sure they can be high or low but even if you have low expectations, you probably in your heart of hearts are hoping for the high...right? unfortunately, i'm always setting my sights on the highest of high in terms of expecations. i expect the best from myself and from the world, really. i guess i have to admit that what i expected from my move to new york was a tad on the romantic side of life - the glamour of life in the big city, what you see in the movies, soundtrack of life included. what i have found, however, is more likened to the harsh reality of life and the fact that the highest of high expectations are not always met.
life in new york for me has been like the game of golf. growing up, i'd go out on the course with my dad every sunday. i'd watch him approach each 1st tee with the hope of, excitement for, and anticipation of that perfect game, always confident no matter what last week's round was like, this round would be great. sometimes the driver would be in perfect harmony with my dad's swing and the ball would fly straight up, land softly, and place itself within striking distance of the green on the fairway. other times, he'd slice that sucker off to the left and we'd find ourselves searching out of bounds amongst the twigs, shrubs and brush. there's other obstacles to overcome too - sandtraps, lakes, fast greens, the beer cart. good or bad, excellent or horrible, satisfying or embarassing...no matter the outcome of those 18 holes my dad, and so many others, love the game and continue to play it sunday after sunday.
i think you might see where i'm heading with this one. i approached my move to new york with hope of, excitement for, and anticipation of that perfect game. that perfect game of life that would lead me straight down the fairway landing softly on the green. and sometimes, i feel that i'm on that straight fairway, my mind is in perfect harmony with my body, the sun shines through the buildings and the coffee tastes perfect. other times, i slice it into the woods and i'm searching to get out and to find my way again.
those that play the game of golf know that it's a love hate relationship they have going with that course. some days it had the ability to make them feel powerful, confident, right. other days, the course is like the devil, throwing it's obstacles at them from every side. my relationship with new york is so much a love hate kinda thing. commuting in the rain, spilling coffee on your dress, forgetting your metrocard, falling down the subway stairs...all before 9am does not make this city a friendly, lovely, easy place to live. however, realizing that that rain turns everything fantastically green and makes tulips grow 3 feet tall...that walking everywhere is freakin awesome, a dog park down the street is a source of much joy, feeling surreal as you circle around the resevoir in central park, having the best meal of your life multiple times...those are the loves in this relationship. those are the reasons i find myself still getting up to that 1st tee with anticipation of the perfect game. i know that this city and i will fight it out for a few more years, but i also know i will be the better for it. it's teaching me that expectations aren't needed - in fact, i should really just let them all go, because, in reality, in harsh reality, things can surprise you in ways you never even imagined. the sun comes out, the flowers bloom and your ready to make that round again.
No comments:
Post a Comment